Deliver me!

Why does the same set of emotions run through a person time and time again? Didnt i commit it to God that such emotions would remain in place until something really sweet came along?Maybe i didnt I dont know....sharing God's word and really applying it to oneself is really different...nevermind..i will exercise my will and as 1 Corinthians 9:23 says and discipline my emotions so that i will not be disqualified after i have preached to others. Why do others say im brimming with Confidence..when obviously i dont..such irony...why do certain challenges crush my will instead of exhilarating it...why do i back down in the face of despair...how can such contrasting characteristics course through a person...Lord Where is my portion?... how can such weakness reside in a Christian....victorious christian? not completely? why am i a i dont know person...why cant i be like e great christians of old...cs lewis..brother lawrence...Lord i need your strength more then ever before...i need to trust you to deliver me...OK...:) Lord...you are the reason for my living..plllleeeassee..guide me through the rest of my life and be the confidence that you have always been to me